'Hiyo ni kama kukaliwa, : Why some men still refuse to share household chores
Sylvia Teresa, a street vendor at Nairobi's busy Moi Avenue sells fruits with her baby tied to her chest on March 11, 2025. The 22-year-old delivered her baby through C-section but was back on the streets when the baby turned three months.
What you need to know:
- Kenyan women like 22-year-old Sylvia bear the double burden of unpaid care work and informal employment while receiving little support from their partners or society.
- The CARE policy aims to recognise, reduce, and redistribute unpaid care work, which remains undervalued and invisible in government policies.
- Despite societal expectations that reinforce traditional gender roles, some advocates are calling for men to take more responsibility in household duties and caregiving.
She is just 22 years old, but the weight of her responsibilities is etched into her tired yet determined face.
Sylvia Teresa, a young mother, stands along Moi Avenue in Nairobi's CBD with other vendors, her five-month-old baby tied snugly to her back with a blue leso. She calls out to passing pedestrians with remarkable energy despite her visible exhaustion.
"Karibu customer! Hii ni fifty, na hii ingine ni Sh100 tu. Nikuwekee gani?" (welcome customer! This is Sh50 and this other one is Sh100. Which one do I give you?) she asks energetically, her smile brightening as I approach her small display of black plums, carefully arranged in plastic tumblers.
Dawn to dusk: a mother's routine
Sylvia's day begins long before she sets foot in town. "I wake up at 6am to do laundry, clean the dishes and sweep the house," she says. "Then I prepare breakfast, and by 8am, I'm out of the house with my baby since I have no one to watch over her."
From her home in Kariobangi South, Sylvia heads to Marikiti market to source her black plums. By 1pm, she is in town, ready to sell.
Her story is a testament to the resilience of many women who juggle unpaid care work with informal jobs just to make ends meet. Unpaid care work includes the full range of activities required to care for household members and undertake household chores, such as cooking, cleaning, washing, mending and making clothes, and collecting water and firewood.
According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO), three-quarters of all unpaid care work globally is undertaken by women and girls—a statistic that Sylvia's life exemplifies all too well.
A 2012 World Bank Development Report revealed that unpaid care work contributes Sh1.3 trillion of output per year—roughly equivalent to 13 per cent of global Gross Domestic Product (GDP). The UN Women's "Progress of the World's Women 2019-2020" report further emphasises that this work forms the foundation of families and societies, yet remains chronically undervalued. Despite these vast and critical contributions to society and the economy, this work remains largely invisible and absent from government policies and protections.
From school to street vending
Sylvia has been selling fruit since 2022, the year she completed her Form Four exams and scored a D-.
"I tried looking for other jobs, but I didn't find any. So, I decided to try selling fruit," she explains.
Her hustle became even more demanding in November last year when she had her child through a Caesarean section. By the time her baby was just three months old in January 2025, Sylvia was back on the streets, baby in tow.
"I have no one to help me take care of my baby because my husband is also a hustler, so I carry her with me every day. If she is hungry, I look for a place where I can sit and breast-feed her and change her diaper," she explains.
Her challenges don't end there. With Nairobi City County officials—commonly referred to as kanjos—always on patrol, Sylvia must be ready to run at any moment.
Sylvia's day starts at 4am and ends at 10pm.
"Sometimes they take all the plums, and other times, we're forced to run for our safety. But I thank God because of my friends—my fellow vendors—because when things are tough, I know I'm not alone," she says.
Dr Eliud Mutwiri, Deputy Director at the State Department for Gender and Affirmative Action, explains that situations like Sylvia's are precisely why Kenya has developed the CARE policy.
"The policy recognises the economic value of unpaid care work and incorporates both paid and unpaid work, highlighting its significant contribution to economic growth," Dr Mutwiri says.
The economics of care
On good days, Sylvia makes around Sh1,000. On bad days, however, she leaves town empty-handed, walking back home with nothing but hope for a better tomorrow.
"I leave here at around 9pm or 10pm, depending on sales," she says.
"When I get home, I still have to prepare supper, bathe my daughter before heading to bed at around 10 pm"
Data from the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics reveals that women spend an average of three hours and 18 minutes daily on unpaid care work—far more than men. Oxfam's 2019 Household Care Survey in Kenya found even higher numbers: women spent about five hours per day on care as a primary activity and more than 11 hours per day on any care, compared to men who spent one hour and under three hours, respectively.
This imbalance limits women's opportunities for gainful employment and hinders economic growth.
The OECD's 2014 report "Unpaid care work: The missing link in the analysis of gender gaps in labour outcomes" identified this as a critical factor in persistent gender gaps in employment rates, wages, and job quality. Notably, the care sector accounted for 6.8 per cent of Kenya's GDP in 2021.
Security work and second shifts
Like Sylvia, Janet Mwita, a security guard, begins her day at 4am. She prepares breakfast, cleans the house and washes the dishes before leaving for work at 5am. With an eight-month-old baby, Janet ensures everything is in order before she leaves, making it easier for her sister to either take care of the baby or drop her off at day-care.
"My job is very demanding, but I have to handle all the household chores on my own. I don't get any help, and it's exhausting," she says. Even after a long day at work, Janet braces herself for another round of responsibilities at home.
"It's either breastfeeding the baby, cooking, folding laundry, or serving my husband," she explains. When she asks her husband to help, she's often met with the same response: "I'm tired after work."
Janet admits the burden takes a toll on her. "It's overwhelming, but I have to do it anyway," she says with a weary smile.
The ILO's 5R Framework for Decent Care Work, outlined in their landmark 2018 report "Care work and care jobs for the future of decent work," provides a roadmap for supporting caregivers by recognising, reducing, and redistributing unpaid care work, while rewarding and representing paid care work.
The report estimates that achieving work-family conciliation would create 269 million additional jobs by 2030. The CARE policy, forwarded to the Cabinet in January, aims to implement this framework in Kenya.
A call for men to step up
Alex Kulema, the head of the Kenya Boda Boda Association and the Kenyan Boda Boda Trustees in Nairobi, has a message for men: it's time to step up at home.
"These women are our sisters, wives, mothers and aunts, and they are out there carrying more than their fair share—at work, at home, everywhere," he says. "Yet too many of us men still sit back and expect them to do it all."
Nairobi County Boda boda Chairperson Alex Kulema when he spoke to Nation.Africa on March 26, 2025 at Kenyatta Avenue in Nairobi. He believes the traditional notion of male roles no longer fits modern realities.
A father of two, Alex believes the traditional notion of male roles no longer fits modern realities.
"Gone are the days when men could say, 'I provide, so my work is done.' Today, it's different. Women are also providing. They work long hours, just like men, and still come home to handle everything else. Is that fair?"
He challenges men to rethink the imbalance that persists despite evolving societal roles.
"If men and women are working 50-50 outside the home, why does the balance disappear once they're back? Household chores, the kids, errands—it's still considered her responsibility. That's not partnership; that's inequality. And it's time we change that."
Dr Mutwiri echoes this sentiment, highlighting the need to shift societal norms and urging men to share household duties and caregiving roles. "The CARE policy aims to redistribute care responsibilities more equitably across society," he says.
Acts of love and respect
For Alex, helping at home isn't a favour; it's an act of love and respect. "It's about showing her that you value her—not just for what she does, but for who she is. Whether it's taking the kids to school, cooking a meal, or simply being there, those small actions speak volumes."
Drawing from his own life, Alex says, "When I have time, I take my children to school. I prepare tea when I can, and I'm not above cooking a meal. Does it make me less of a man? No. It makes me a better partner."
Alex emphasises the profound impact of shared responsibilities on relationships. "Helping builds love," he says. "It strengthens trust and makes relationships thrive. Even when my wife was a housewife before becoming a nurse, I knew it was my duty to help. It's not just about sharing work; it's about sharing life."
He warns men against outdated excuses. "Stop saying, 'I provide, so I don't need to help.' Those days are long gone. It's time to step up, to support our women and to create a better balance at home and at work. When we help, we don't just make their lives easier—we make all of our lives better."
Teaching and learning: a veteran's perspective
To Harriet Wanjiru Muchiri, a 58-year-old teacher, mother of four and grandmother of two, women are the "foundation and pivot" of African families.
In addition to teaching Grades Four to Nine across all learning areas, she is an accomplished author and digital content creator. Her latest book, Agriculture for Grade Nine, is a source of pride, currently being used in schools.
While Harriet celebrates the resilience and devotion of women in African households, she also acknowledges the challenges posed by traditional gender roles. She observes that women often bear the lion's share of household responsibilities, from preparing children for school in the early morning to managing meals and household tasks late into the night.
Harriet Wanjiru, a teacher by profession, pictured on August 6, 2024 at Nation Centre in Nairobi. She highlights the cultural stigma that discourages men from doing household chores, especially in African societies where men cooking are sometimes seen as breaking unwritten rules.
"When my children were young, I created a timetable to help me prioritise my duties. The demands of managing the household often meant skipping meals, staying up late and sacrificing time with friends. It was a challenging period."
"Although my husband was living in Nairobi at the time while I was in the village, he would visit us every weekend. He would take us out and also hire a nanny and a shamba boy to help with the workload, which made things a bit easier," she adds.
The Covid-19 pandemic further highlighted these disparities. Oxfam's "Time to Care" report (2020) had already warned that care work creates "a hidden workforce" that is often exploited and undervalued—a prediction that proved accurate when the crisis hit. A number of studies have shown that the burden of unpaid care on women and girls was exacerbated during this period, which drove many women further out of the paid workforce. Many women working in the service industry and other forms of in-person work also lost their jobs or reduced their pay.
Breaking away from traditional gender roles
Harriet highlights the cultural stigma that discourages men from participating in household chores, particularly in African societies where men in the kitchen are sometimes seen as breaking unwritten rules.
"I thank God for my husband. Even though our children are all grown and have left the house, he still irons our clothes, prepares his favourite meal—ugali—and cleans his shoes," she says with gratitude.
Drawing from her experience as a teacher, Harriet notes that mothers are usually the most active participants in school activities, whether attending meetings or communicating with teachers. Their deep attachment to their families compels them to balance professional and caregiving roles. Yet, she emphasises the need for change.
She advocates for a shift away from traditional gender roles, urging families to embrace shared responsibilities. She believes that when men and women collaborate in caregiving and household management, they set positive examples for their children and create stronger family bonds.
"By redefining roles, we can ease the burden on women and nurture a more equitable and loving environment," she asserts.
The CARE policy aligns with Sustainable Development Goal 5.4.1, which calls for the recognition and redistribution of unpaid care work through public services, infrastructure and social protection. Dr Mutwiri emphasises that the policy could empower women to contribute more effectively to economic growth.
The traditionalist's view
Not everyone shares these progressive perspectives. Samuel Juma believes that household chores such as cleaning, washing dishes and doing laundry are exclusively women's responsibilities.
"I have been married for 10 years, and I have never washed plates or cleaned the house because, as a man, that's not my job," he states firmly.
Samuel admits he can occasionally help with cooking or taking care of the baby, but only under specific circumstances. "It depends on various factors," he says. However, he draws a strict line when a woman is present.
"To me, doing such chores when a woman is around feels like being dominated. Hiyo ni kama kukaliwa. I can't do it," he declares.
Samuel Juma, a boda boda rider in Nairobi when he spoke to Nation.Africa on March 15, 2025. He says household chores are exclusively women's responsibilities.
Samuel and his wife are blessed with two children, but his approach to household duties remains unchanged. "When I get home, my role is to sit and wait for food because I provide," he says unapologetically.
He attributes his stance to cultural beliefs, arguing that participating in certain household tasks undermines a man's authority. "If you start washing dishes, people will question whether you're the man of the house," he explains.
When his wife is away, Samuel prefers to eat at a hotel rather than step into the kitchen. "If she's unwell, she should call her sister to help, that is if we don't have a house help," he adds.
A policy for change
A major focus of the CARE policy is advocating for fair wages and improved conditions for domestic workers, as well as investments in caregiving services such as childcare and eldercare. Infrastructure improvements, including workplace childcare centres, are critical for enabling women to balance work and family responsibilities.
"The policy aims to create safe working environments and promote decent conditions for domestic workers," Dr Mutwiri explains.
The Oxfam study also found that women had greater childcare responsibilities than men and were more than 20 per cent more likely than men to assume childcare responsibilities in the last 24 hours. These complexities and disparities contribute to gender inequality and workforce segregation as they limit women's economic potential and opportunity for productive livelihoods.
Hope for the future
As I leave Sylvia with her carefully arranged black plums, she flashes me a weary but hopeful smile. Her strength is undeniable, her resilience inspiring. For Sylvia and countless other women, unpaid care work is not a choice but a necessity. It is an invisible burden carried alongside their income-generating activities, often unrecognised yet critical to their families' survival.
Dr Mutwiri expresses hope for a more equitable society: "The CARE policy is a step in the right direction, recognising, reducing, redistributing and rewarding care work while fostering economic growth."
Sylvia's story and those of women like her raise critical questions about the policies that address their plight. With initiatives like the CARE policy gaining momentum, perhaps the invisible weight they carry will finally be seen, valued and shared.