Men don’t cry: The lie that’s killing our sons, brothers and fathers
The face of a man. Men mostly hide their mental health issues.
What you need to know:
- Toxic masculinity silences men's pain, causing emotional suppression, depression, and rising suicide and addiction rates.
- Society must embrace men’s vulnerability, promote open dialogue, and support mental health with compassion and care.
Our society has traditionally viewed men as unwavering, strong, and unflinching. But is it possible for someone to be strong all the time? Men also get tired, and they too break down inside, but, unfortunately, for them, showing this pain is considered weakness. Whenever men want to cry, they remain silent. Such silence gradually hollows out their soul.
The worst phrase I have ever heard is definitely this one. Boys are asked not to cry since they were young, even if they fall and hurt themselves or even someone else. Among the most horrible things a parent could teach their child is this one. Not crying results in not expressing any kind of feeling, which causes men to bottle up every emotion they go through. Even if a man is bullied, chewed on, or beaten, he is not supposed to say he is hurt, which later fuels a major explosion or lashing out in some other form.
In pre-modern times, men were expected to be fighters and protectors. Still, the philosophy has held rather steady over time. While crying is meant to be a sign of emotional vulnerability, a man who is meant to fight and make tough decisions to safeguard the people he is supposed to be protecting would not benefit from being obviously emotional. This is why any emotional vulnerability a man exhibits—not only crying but also other qualities like love and compassion—is usually frowned upon.
In modern society of equality and embracing one’s sexuality, asking men not to cry is like asking women not to be strong. A strong woman is behaving like a man; a man cries and is behaving like a woman. These are the preconceptions society has developed, and we live in such a society—which is quite unfortunate. It is advisable to stop asking young men and boys not to cry.
Indeed! “I am” fine”—how many times do men say this sentence and feel broken inside? Our society portrays men as unbreakable idols who always provide support but never seek it from others. This culture of suffering in silence has become the biggest threat to men's mental health today.
Because running a family, educating children, high expectations, and social pressure all put a heavy burden on men's minds every day. They leave behind their happiness, entertainment, and comfort and are busy earning money day and night. Occasionally, such financial exhaustion creates depression, anxiety, or feelings of failure.
Actually, men often forget themselves while playing the role of husband, father, son, or brother. They do not tell anyone about the emptiness, stress, or unspoken pain that is growing inside them in their desire to fulfil relationships. In fact, they do not know how to talk because they have never been taught.
Even in today’s era, the social norm that “men never cry” is the most widely accepted lie. Crying is a natural emotion that eases the burden of the heart, but when men cry, they are judged by their masculinity. This assertion is entirely inaccurate. Silence, slowly, eats them from the inside. The increase in suicide rates and drug addiction among men are the consequences of this silence.
The truth is that men need to learn that talking is not a weakness. Going to therapy or a mental counsellor can be a wise decision. Wife, mother, sister, friend every woman should listen to, test, and support the man in her life.
There should be an open discussion on men's mental health in the media, school, and family. Breaking negative thought loops, developing positive thinking, and professional therapies It is useful in depression and anxiety. Talking openly in a safe space is also beneficial. This approach is effective for managing mild to moderate stress, grief, and pain.
The feeling of "I am not alone" also provides support. Let's be the voice of the silent men. Let's give their mental health the same importance as their lives.
Surjit Singh Flora is a veteran journalist and freelance writer based in Brampton. Canada.