When did you last check up on your bro?
Each time I've called, I've been met by the same response from the other end: 'Bro, how did you know? This is just what I needed.'
What you need to know:
- Men are conditioned to suppress emotions ("kaa ngumu"), leading to unaddressed mental health struggles.
- This is often communicated through subtle cues like withdrawing from social circles or becoming quiet.
- Wellness checks can take various forms, from quiet companionship and shared activities to encouraging professional help.
When it comes to men's mental health, a topic that's hardly ever spoken about is that of wellness men-to-men checks. I define these types of checks as unprompted calls a man makes when he deduces or discerns that another brother is in distress. The said brother may not have sent a formal SOS, but some alarm bells rang inside his helper’s spirit, which caused him to spring into action.
Got it? Good. Let's make this topic make sense.
Just listen
As men, we have been conditioned to kaa ngumu, even if we are seated, butt-naked, on a live wire. This idea of manning up is the silent killer of many men.
It's because of this inherent internal configuration, which compels us to kaa ngumu, that we can't tell fellow men we need a wellness check.
However, we still send subtle messages. Which, by and large, are ignored or unheard. For instance, we may go missing from our social places. Or, even in these social places, we may become silent.
Men aren't complex creatures. We aren't hard to figure out. Just listen. Listen intently. When you do that, you will pick up the SOS frequency, which will lead you to do a wellness check.
Just call the man
I've realised that, if I have an unceasing ringing in my spirit to call a brother, I should never ignore that voice. Neither should I shush it. I have realised that these are prodding to make a wellness check on a brother in distress.
You know what? Each time I've called, I've been met by the same response from the other end: “Bro, how did you know? This is just what I needed.”
Which is why I counsel brothers, “Just call the man”.
Just do it
Sometimes a wellness check involves saying less and listening more. Other times it involves just sitting in solitude with a brother and letting your souls commune.
A wellness check can involve watching a game of footie together. Or breaking bread. Or sharing drinks. It can involve building each other's inner man through the word of God.
Whatever you're led to do, just do it. It may not seem like much, but, believe, it can be the very thing that saves a soul.
Just initiate the call
Sometimes a wellness check will compel us to take certain courses of action. There are issues that need more than words of encouragement. Some situations call for tough decisions. Decisions like seeking professional help. Or referring a brother to someone who may ably walk with him.
Initiate that tough call. Don't wait for someone else to do it. Don't wait for a better time. After you have taken the initiative, walk with the brother as he takes the next steps, which will lead him to a better version of himself.
Just participate
Iron sharpens iron. Which means that, without the tough edge of other men, a man will be blunt, rusty and ineffective.
For a man to cut it - (pun intended) - it behoves other men to participate in communal welfare checks. In such calls, men come with their gifts and talents, however miniscule or humongous, and pour into - not only the vessels that are in need - but in all and sundry.
When men pour into each other, regardless of socioeconomic statuses, we all, corporately and individually, become better men. And the ripples are felt in all the spaces we frequent.
Makes sense? Perfect. Now, make it work. And while we're at it, let's make every month men's mental health month.